Thursday, July 31, 2008

To recap my spring

Thursday, July 31, 2008


 

I have a moment of free time and I thought I'd catch this story up to date.


 

I actually gave them 10 days to move. On the 10th day, the mobile home was off my land and they were gone. On the 10th day, my city water was disconnected and we went back on well water - for undisclosed reasons. That's a big old laugh in Randy's face for trying to throw his trash in my yard. I sold everything he left and got enough money to put us back on city water! ROFLMAO


 

They showed up out here with a flatbed trailer to pick up the storage building and that is the last time I have seen them. Hopefully that is the last time I will see them - ever.


 

I have had several individuals tell me the kind of crap Marie has spread behind my back, but she needs to try to keep her stories consistent because some of the things I'm hearing are so farfetched that I can't fathom how anyone would be dumb enough to believe it. Though they're dumb enough to believe it, I sure hope they're smart enough to NOT get on my bad side.


 

Someone has been mysteriously writing me emails and making video comments and things, creating fake MySpace and YouTube accounts so they can try to drag conversations out of me (or a fight it would seem). I can't imagine who it could be but there's this magical cure for that - it's called the Federal Bureau of Investigation. They love to intercept things like that, and at this point they are tracking whoever left the last threatening comment on my YouTube site, which I find HYSTERICAL. Stupid, stupid people.


 

They never learn.


 

I will not fight with them, because I refuse to enter into a battle of wits with retards. It's not fair and, well, I wouldn't want them to never have a feeling of accomplishment.


 

The fighting is over. I win. You lose. Game over.


 

Bitch.


 

To recap for my very few long-lost acquaintances who did NOT know about all this…


 


 


 

Wednesday, April 16, 2008


 

HA HA HA


 

I know Randy won't like me gloating, but I just have to say that after Marie's friend called me on my job today I feel like I have a right to gloat a little over this. Of course, the friend changed her tune after I explained to her the actual FACTS of the situation. Now she doesn't want to hear from Marie and really neither does anyone else down here.


 

Randy shut off Marie's phone AND her internet!


 

Now, you hateful, vengeful, pot-stirring, gutter-slut, use someone else's minutes to plague the world because Randy's through paying for your drama!! WOO HOO!!


 

Monday, April 21, 2008


 

Carrying on the blog - part 14 - Christopher's mother

Current mood: vengeful

Category: vengeful Romance and Relationships


 

Monday, April 21, 2008


 

Christopher's mom

Current mood: mischievous

Category: Blogging


 

Okey doke, first of all at first I didn't know where exactly in Tennessee that Katie and Christopher went (nor care, I can assure you - just mirthful she was gone from here). I did not even remember Christopher's last name, but apparently miss pot stirrer told Christopher's mom that I posted on my MySpace that they were in Tennessee. Well, I didn't. I mean, until NOW that is, LOL.


 

Now, as for you, miss thing, calling my number and leaving hateful messages, I will be posting that message up on my YouTube as well so everyone can know what a stupid bitch you are too. Yay for you and leaving dumb-assed sounding messages on a technologically sound individual's cell phone.


 

No, you don't know me. You pretend not to want drama, but you called me, I didn't call you. You did not call me and ask me if I had put that they were in Covington, Tennessee on my blog, you just assumed because of something that lying-assed whore said to you. Well, guess what sista, you just messed up. I am the one who stops the freaking drama in its path. I do not want anymore of this horse shit at my house, on my phone, on my blog or anywhere else. You can screw with a stupid person, but I am not the bitch with whom to fuck anymore. I have HAD IT UP TO MY EYES with the likes of common street trash thinking they are good enough to address me. Here's a hint - YOU'RE NOT!


 

So, do what you do best - go blow a banana.....and (in language you might be able to comprehend) keep dem saggy titties put up, girl, your hot days (if they ever were) are ova!


 

Don't try to deny it - I have the photos you sent my phone. A common hooker (not even a well-paid hooker or even lady of the evening) is all you sound like it to me.


 

____________________________________________________________


 

ADDENDUM


 

Well, I did realize after doing a search for Christopher's phone number that I had actually posted the number from which I received ugly text messages and ugly photos of a woman performing fellatio on a banana. I did not KNOW it was Christopher's phone number, but I was told it was, and I completely forgot about that post until this weird woman just kept on calling me and texting me about taking it down off of HER MySpace (and there were a few choice adjectives spicing up the demand for action).


 

Let me just tell you one thing, and let me make THIS one thing perfectly clear, I do not like being TOLD what to do. I do not like being ACCUSED of doing things I have not done (yet). I do not like common hookers (or women who act like them) calling my phone and having the nerve to speak to me or my family. You are beneath me, woman, and so is anyone who would use language like that directed at a complete stranger, of whom you know not one single fact save the digits that lead to hearing what you believe to be my voice.


 


 

I do not know you either, but would certainly never send you photographs of me with any part of a fruit (or anything else) dangling from my mouth (or any other orifice). I would never use the kind of low, common language that you used when you addressed me, and I would never, EVER accuse someone of being trash until they gave me good solid reason PERSONALLY to believe it was so.


 

Now, I'll break it to you real slow, you will not, no matter how much you threaten and how much you harass, get an answer from someone other than the voices in your head, when you ask someone a question on a voice mail message. "Do you hear me?" seemed to be a theme throughout your messages and I'll be the first to tell you, yep, I heard you, and the parts of it that were not broken up due to the fact that you were bellowing into the microphone were fairly clear, though somewhat gutter-slut verbiage.


 

Woman, get off the booze. You have a grown son living back in your hovel and he has delivered more drama than you will ever know right into your own home with Katie. That little girl is a bundle of drama. She is five drama queens built into a 100 pound shell. You just THINK you've seen excitement and adventure, do yourself a favor and ask around Arkansas (any part, pretty much) about Katie and they'll ALL be glad to tell you what they went through. My son Zack is the first one that can share with you the misadventures of dating and loving one Katie. My son is 20 in June and he learned the hard way that Marie and Katie cannot be trusted.


 

I don't know you. I don't WANT to know you. I don't care what happens to you. I don't care what happens to Katie OR to Christopher. I do not care what happens to Marie (except that she never try coming back here). I tried caring and that got me nowhere. I tried to be nice and that backfired. Now, get a clue, I have proof that you have harassed me and I will use it if I need to. I have no reason to currently because your harassment really doesn't take that much time out of my day. Should that type of thing begin, I can assure you I can and will put an end to it in short order.


 

I do not fear you or your kind and never have. Just leave well enough alone. You advertised to half of the occupants of the restaurant in which we were dining this evening that you were without, so let's just leave it at that.


 

1:27 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment


 

Wednesday, April 23, 2008


 

"'til death do us part"

Current mood: cantankerous

Category: Blogging


 

I made my profile private today and STILL managed 93 views. Is that incredible or what? I cannot WAIT 'til tomorrow. I just get better looking every day!


 

Oh, and there's a slight possibility that the drama will be gone from my life within the next few weeks. When that trailer moves out of here, I swear I may cry. Just knowing that no matter how long I live, where I go and when I go there, no matter what company I keep, I never have to see Marie or Katie ever again for the rest of my life!!!! I will miss the shit out of Randy, because honest to Pete I did love him. I loved him with my entire heart and he just ripped it out of my chest acting like an asshole over that trash he calls a wife (the aforementioned "Marie"). Still, as it was in the beginning of all this, it was his choice to take her back or to divorce her. I just gave him the tools, I didn't build the house for him.


 

God love him and his foolishness. Little does he know "'til death do us part" may come sooner rather than later - as he tends to get somewhat suicidal when he's with Marie. I just want no more to do with any of them if this is the way they repay kindness.


 

Here - lemme put this out there. If you're friends with Marie - don't call me and don't text me and don't write me and don't visit my page. If you cause trouble for me related to Marie, I will definitely cause trouble for you related to ME. If you're friends with Randy, you need to realize that he is no longer friends with me and that may cause a problem because our opinions will tend to differ. I'm not mad at any of our mutual friends, don't get me wrong, but I want this drama gone and I ALWAYS get my way in the end. Usually without becoming white trash, low or using foul language. Hee hee.


 


 

1:17 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment


 

Carrying on the blog - part 10

Current mood: vengeful

Category: vengeful Friends


 


 

Wednesday, April 23, 2008


 

"'til death do us part"

Current mood: cantankerous

Category: Blogging


 

I made my profile private today and STILL managed 93 views. Is that incredible or what? I cannot WAIT 'til tomorrow. I just get better looking every day!


 

Oh, and there's a slight possibility that the drama will be gone from my life within the next few weeks. When that trailer moves out of here, I swear I may cry. Just knowing that no matter how long I live, where I go and when I go there, no matter what company I keep, I never have to see Marie or Katie ever again for the rest of my life!!!! I will miss the shit out of Randy, because honest to Pete I did love him. I loved him with my entire heart and he just ripped it out of my chest acting like an asshole over that trash he calls a wife (the aforementioned "Marie"). Still, as it was in the beginning of all this, it was his choice to take her back or to divorce her. I just gave him the tools, I didn't build the house for him.


 

God love him and his foolishness. Little does he know "'til death do us part" may come sooner rather than later - as he tends to get somewhat suicidal when he's with Marie. I just want no more to do with any of them if this is the way they repay kindness.


 

Here - lemme put this out there. If you're friends with Marie - don't call me and don't text me and don't write me and don't visit my page. If you cause trouble for me related to Marie, I will definitely cause trouble for you related to ME. If you're friends with Randy, you need to realize that he is no longer friends with me and that may cause a problem because our opinions will tend to differ. I'm not mad at any of our mutual friends, don't get me wrong, but I want this drama gone and I ALWAYS get my way in the end. Usually without becoming white trash, low or using foul language. Hee hee.


 


 

1:17 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment


 

Carrying on the blog - part 11

Current mood: vengeful

Category: vengeful Romance and Relationships


 


 

Wednesday, April 23, 2008


 

I'm not really in an "open" marriage

Current mood: shocked

Category: Romance and Relationships


 

Seriously, you guys, with a husband that looks like mine do you genuinely think I'd be foolhardy enough to turn him loose on the free world? I mean with all the unsuspecting women out there? I'm not that mean. LOL


 

I might've mentioned earlier, do not read more into things than are there. Just because someone tells you they have an "open marriage" does not mean they are open to having sexual relationships with other people, it just means they are not chained to the other one in ownership in our case.


 

Still, in worrying over all the bull leavins next door (yes the Q is silent), I have managed to work myself into a swell case of IBS (irritable bowel syndrome to the layperson). I'm afraid I have an awful time keeping the digestive processes functioning as they are supposed to. This is okay because I could've stood to lose a metric ton or two, but still it was not my intention to grind my molars down to a fine, powdery silt in the process.


 

In the beginning, Husband and My Dark Side (against the advice and wisdom of practically every single human being that they knew) allowed Randy and Marie and Daughter to move into their home and to move this mobile home onto their property. They cut down several gorgeous hardwood trees in the process. They dug ditches and trenches and set footers and basically ruined the land for anything else, unless one wanted to have several dump trucks full of soil brought in, then you have the run-off to worry over.


 

Well, that's just us. We're just the kind of people who will give someone the shirt off our back. We're the kind of folks that will lay down and let someone we love just crap all over us (not literally - that is gross), HOWEVER, and I must stress this, after the crapping has taken place, there is no wiping of the ass on us.


 

Over the ensuing months, Marie allowed Katie to move back in - and this is on the cusp of Katie bringing no end of drama to my front door. I allowed her daughter to move back in because I loved Marie (for all her trashiness) and I wanted her to have her daughter if that's what would make her happy. Screw me in the ear for being nice to someone, right?


 

So Katie moves in and just a few weeks later gets into a massive skirmish with Zack's girlfriend Kristin in which Kristin kicks Katie in the back of the neck for sleeping with Zack. In retrospect - YOU GO KRISTIN. LOL


 

Then Zack moved out in September and that was rough, but somewhere in the midst of all this, we had a falling out. Somewhere during this period of time Marie and I stopped communicating. It seemed to get worse after Katie moved out to go live with her brother in Alaska. Yeah, Marie's son ran all the way to Alaska to get away from the tyrant. Anyway, Katie caused drama up there too so she had to come back. I know that Marie and one of her friends paid for a ticket for her to come back on the bus.


 

After Katie came home, all hell broke loose. She just kinda let her hair down and went wild and did her own thing and well, that was Katie. We really tried to stay out of it. Then just after the first of the year, that person who makes me feel compassion and sympathy went on vacation and I started kind of telling things how they were. I stopped putting on the brakes all the time and took 3-4 steps out of bounds and waited for someone to blow the whistle. Guess what? NO FREAKING WHISTLE!!!


 

So I started going out with friends and hanging out with friends and first of Feb got a job and that was great, then first of March I got a car (complete with car payment - first time in 3 years), and that was nice. Then all this sewage came to the surface with Randy and Marie and blah blah blah on the phone and guess what?


 

I was told by my boss that I was no longer needed on 4/22! Yes. Not sure what the REAL reason was, and don't especially care, but I did manage to lose my new job. Now, don't get me wrong, my feelings aren't hurt in the SLIGHTEST. He said that I'm way too smart for the job and I'm going to end up getting him in trouble because I'm "too honest" with people. Well, I can live with that if that is the real reason. If I ever find out that any of these whores had anything to do with me losing my job, however, I promise you this, as God is my eternal witness - I will spend what is left of my life making sure theirs is miserable....and I am a nasty, evil, butthole when I'm stirred up (but you'd have never known that if I hadn't told you, huh). LOL


 

I'm good now. I have until like the second week in May to find something else. I think what I'm going to end up doing is working the next couple of weeks and then just coming home and doing MT again. If I'm at home I can spend 99% of my day blogging my thoughts and 1% sleeping. Actually I will have to work so like 97% blogging, 1% sleeping and 2% working. Wait, I do have to eat and use the potty. Well, I'll work out the details later.


 

Just thought I'd share that less than banner moment in My Dark Side's world.


 

1:19 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment


 

2667 Blog Views (84 just today 4/22/08)


 

Current mood: busy

Category: Blogging


 


 

This is so much fun. I just keep updating this one with new numbers every day.


 


 

1:24 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment


 


 

Wednesday, April 23, 2008


 

Carrying on the blog - part 12 - and the truth comes out

Current mood: vengeful

Category: vengeful Romance and Relationships


 

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Betrayal goes both ways

Current mood: betrayed


 

Well, once again I chose strange bedfellows as friends…wait, or is that strange friends as bedfellows.


 

Randy started with the "I love you's" months ago, long before Marie caught on. Long before Katie caught on. As a matter of fact, it was long before anyone recognized his infatuation with me. I told Husband from the beginning though, and that was what inspired Husband's "open relationship" statement. He wanted to see if Randy thought that we had an open relationship if he would make a move on me.


 

Answer?


 

Yes.


 

Our little experiment in human behavior started many weeks ago when Randy was getting fed up with Marie's constant abuse and daily insults hurled at Randy's daughter, Daughter. He began to talk to me about these things, and followed by an acute sense that I understood his plight, he began to make suggestions like "I want to do you in your car" and mouthing the words "I love you" when nobody was looking. Seriously, I thought he was joking about all of it.


 

Then one day everyone was going to go on a bike ride. Marie suggested that I ride with Randy, Ronnie's bike was not working so Randy had to push-start it. We went to the Suzuki dealership and when we left there we stopped to get something to drink at the next gas station down the road. Marie told Randy (as she always does - bossing people around like she IS somebody) to go in and get "everyone" something to drink. Well, apparently "everyone" entailed herself, Lana, Ronnie and Randy. "Everyone" did not include Margaret and I, and yet Marie called me her "best friend" (at least to my face).


 

So I went in to get something to drink and while I was in there Randy walked up behind me and grabbed my hips and ground his pelvis against my butt and said "you know you want it, don't you". I answered in the most sarcastic tone I could muster "yes, of course I do, Randy, right here in the gas station" and I walked off and paid for my things and we all managed to get back on the bikes and leave.


 

Later on it was discovered that Marie had been talking about hating the fact that I was riding on the back of Randy's bike. Interesting, since SHE is the one who forced the issue, not me.


 

Following this little excursion the text messages began. Randy sent me pictures of himself (which I posted on MySpace - and they were taken with his phone and sent to me, I was at work and he was at the local lounge with Lester, they later came and got me and we went to lunch), pictures of himself naked just getting out of the shower, sent "I love you" no less than 500 times in a matter of a few weeks. He called me when he was alone and he came to see me in town when Marie was still here. He just made the excuse that he was going into town to "pay a bill" or "look at saddle bags" or whatever. Oh, and should he deny it, my boss and my co-worker both saw him come into my office - BEFORE Marie left. Marie had NO CLUE that he was coming to see me or going to lunch with me.


 

As a matter of fact, think about what time it was when you ran into Randy with the flat tire….he was just coming back from seeing me while I was on lunch!


 

Think about the evenings that he came home late from work…


 

That's because he was meeting up with me somewhere to talk about you behind your back. I do have photographs. Several of them… Husband saw every single text, every single photo and knew every single comment - the entire time.


 

Let's put it this way, the text messages he sent me were so explicit that my husband read them and nearly went off the deep end. Actually, he did go off the deep end for about 45 seconds and then realized that there was just no way.


 

Funny thing about Randy, you know? He admitted most of this in front of Ronnie and Lana one fateful night. He admitted that he had wanted to kiss me for a long time and almost did the night that Margaret moved the last of her stuff in off the trailer and they were taking the trailer back to Rob, but as he said I "walked off with Margaret" so he figured he'd better not.


 

Now, anytime you think you "got this" Marie, think again. I do have the emails he sent me before you left town saved in my inbox and they are something that I cannot forge and cannot fake (just like the IMs that he read that YOU wrote that were also not forged or faked and I proved that). Anytime you think he won't stray, think again. I know better. You had one saving grace, the fact that my marriage wasn't actually "open" and I don't cheat (unlike SOME people I know who cheated on her husband so many times that he can't even recall all the names). Poor Kay. She feels so guilty. Like she said to Randy, "you were supposed to fu*k her, not marry her, stupid!" LOL


 

Why won't Randy perform oral on you? Did you ever really wonder about that? Well he told me. Yeah, you told K.W. all about how Randy just stuck it in dry. You told everybody how you did not get turned on by him, but that K.W. made you all excited. Meanwhile, K.W. wouldn't touch you to scratch you. That is too funny to me.


 

Anyway, there is more, I just have too much work to do this evening to contemplate continuing to mess with the likes of you or him for that matter.


 

The bridge is burning….better put it out quick Wry…


 

1:21 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment


 

Thursday, April 24, 2008


 

Carrying on the blog - part 13

Current mood: vengeful

Category: vengeful Friends


 

Seriously, spellcheck or don't post

Current mood: happy

Category: Blogging


 

From time to time I have committed the ultimate blogger foul – I forget to spell check.


 

I, however, can honestly say that my current status is generally at least to some degree both grammatically and phonetically understandable. Please, someone, kindly explain to me what "I LOVE MY HUSBAND RANDY I wish people would mine there own shit" is supposed to mean. I am serious.


 

She wants someone to mine shit?


 

She wants someone to mine over there and own some shit?


 

Where does she want people to mine and why would anyone (but her) want shit?


 

Now, Marie, if you meant to say "I love my husband, Randy, and I wish people would mind their own business" then once again I have translated what you prefer to call language into something that normal folk can comprehend. Instead of taking classes in psychology, perhaps you ought to learn how to properly use the English language.


 

Is this a personal attack on Marie? Sure, why not?


 

As for "loving" people, you would not know how to love someone if there was a guide for it written in layman's terms, possibly on a kindergarten level! Your capacity to bring the happiest person down to your morose, depressed, sad, pathetic and hateful level is practically unsurpassed, but "love"? Hardly.


 

You don't LOVE Randy anyway, you just want to get back in his good graces so he'll sell his home and move somewhere else so you can move back in with him and mooch off him some more. Well, as it has always been, that is Randy's choice. I choose who steps foot on my land, Randy chooses who steps foot on that pillow-top mattress – as I well know. If you are the kind of trash that Randy chooses to spend what's left of his life with, then I guess it beats masturbation, but I'd certainly rather cut mine off than to lay with the likes of you.


 

Randy did tell me a few things about you, personal things that were disturbing to say the very least. Shall I post those? Nah. I'm a mean, hateful, vindictive bitch, but some pillow talk needs to be left in the bedroom, doesn't it? LOL


 

Lady says she is loving the Nikon. She takes it everywhere. We have just GOT to get these pictures posted!!!


 

Pine away for it and just pretend to know what I know about the future.


 


 


 

Saturday, April 26, 2008


 

Kiss my ass

Current mood: vengeful


 

So, this is what I'm thinking right now, this afternoon at 4:30. What I'm thinking is that I want to beat the living fuck out of that sorry bitch and everything associated with her for ever coming near me in the first place. I want to go to where she is and grab her by her neck(s) and begin punching her in that ugly assed face of hers until she is unconscious and fucking bleeding from her ass or something.


 

Right now, at this moment, I want to drive over to where Randy is working, snatch him up by his blond hair and pop him directly in the fucking eye too. Just hit him HARD. Hit him so hard his momma fucking feels it and grabs her eye and goes "what the fuck?"


 

Right now, I want to call everyone I know and say which one of you motherfuckers took it upon yourself to hack my password to my e-mail and change it so I couldn't get into it? Guess what, you stupid, corn-eatin', rank-statch havin' bitch - I am not that stupid cunt you think I am and I figured it all out without calling someone to help me. I didn't send an email to MySpace and beg them to change my password because I signed up with an att.net email and then failed to pay the bill and didn't change my email before they shut me down. Instead of calling att and telling them to transfer your service to a free yahoo account, because you're a dumb bitch, you just begged MySpace for help. They don't care, fat whore, they just laughed at you.


 

So I don't have to name names, everybody who reads this knows who that stupid bitch is. I think everyone knows that I have multiple personalities and they have now split into two people. The first person, the nice one, is sitting over there on Universal sad and betrayed, hurt and upset, and feeling like the very life has been stomped out of her. She is so depressed because Randy has chosen to abandon her and hurt her like this. She and Randy had plans this summer. They had plans to trade in his bike and get a bigger one so they could go cruising this summer, since that fat bitch was going to be out of his life for good.


 

Randy and that person had great plans for riding that bike long distances and taking some vacation time so they could go and see the sites and Randy even said he'd take care of her if Husband ever left her. Yeah, this was the relationship between my other half and me.


 

This half of the personality is a vengeful, hateful, goddamned bitch that can't stand motherfuckers who take advantage of good people like my other half. This part of me is a witch, a natural witch with power that nobody could ever understand to control the world around me AND the people around me. I don't do it because there are repercussions for every action, but I sure do want to right now. Right now I want to hex that bitch so that her fucking eyeballs sink back in her head and fall out her asshole. Right now I want to hex Randy so that he can't think of anything but evicting that fucking whore he's married to out of his life and his heart.


 

I WANT to do a lot of things, but my other half is in control today. I have just enough strength to write this blog and vent my hatred and frustration. I have just enough control to do that, but no more. One of these days, while she is sleeping, I'm going to be My Dark Side and I'm going to take over. I'm not going to let her rule anymore and I'm not going to let people hurt her anymore.


 

And here's another thing, if you turn on her now - God help your ass. She has befriended you, and she trusts you, but I don't. She trusts you to be her friend and to be honest with her - but you've already lied and kept things from her and I know about that. She is a good person, you fucking psycho, and I will hurt you if you hurt her. Swear to it.


 

Just remember. There are two of us. Neither one of us are happy with the way things are going, but My Dark Side is the half, the dark half, that will do something. She will not.


 


 

4:31 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment


 

Friday, April 25, 2008


 

No, this is a new post - you haven't read this yet

Current mood: vengeful

Category: vengeful Friends


 

Friday March 25, 2008


 

Now I have been accused of a lot of things in my day and I have witnessed a great number of ignorant acts over the last 38 years, but this one has to take the banana (no pun intended).


 

Randy has decided, and announced to everyone in earshot, that because I started some "shit on MySpace" he's going to pack up his ditty bag and head on out. What I mean to say, in the plainest of terms, is that he is either selling his trailer or letting it go back and he is moving himself and his 17 year old son somewhere and telling people that the reason why is that I "started some shit on MySpace".


 

Ok, first of all, who in their right mind is going to believe that?


 

Second of all, who in their right mind would turn on someone who has actually stuck their neck out above and beyond the boundaries of being a good friend for them?


 

Third of all, who would sleep with or marry that nasty assed bitch Marie? Oh, yeah that's right, Randy did all three.


 

Honestly, people, I have renamed everyone in this blog but you'd have to be completely out of your wits not to figure out who they were. For the love of Christ almighty, what are these people thinking?


 

1. Marie marries this man and has kids with him and cheats on him every chance she gets with everything wielding a penis on an Army base from the late 80's until the mid 90's. Isn't that nice? She was actually caught red-handed by her husband!


 

2. Marie and the husband move to Arkansas to make a fresh start (and because the husband loved the area and wanted to escape the nastiness that Marie had caused back on the base). Marie almost immediately begins having an affair with Randy in front of her children


 

3. Marie and her husband divorce and she almost immediately, in the same year, marries Randy. Randy's friend, who hooked this loose woman up with him for a good time since he had just gone through a nasty divorce a year before, was mortified that he had taken vows with this disgusting old saddle tramp. She dressed like a dyke, walked like a man, talked like she had single-handedly won WWII with a pen knife and a loose-leaf notebook, she never wore make up (unless she was trying to get laid by some "strange") and refused to fix her ratty, unkempt hair! The attraction?


 

4. Randy introduces his small children to Marie and her small children. They're like stair-steps.


 

5. Randy's children move in with them.


 

6. Marie and her children abuse Randy's children and Randy sits back on his ass and lets it happen because … well who knows why. Maybe he was afraid of her.


 

7. Marie makes sure both of Randy's children are alienated from him.


 

8. Randy buys Marie a home in a nice neighborhood.


 

9. Randy buys Marie a nice vehicle that they got a bad deal on.


 

10. Randy buys Marie another vehicle that his dad was getting rid of.


 

11. Randy buys Marie a $100,000 home and moves it onto the lot of My Dark Side and Husband.


 

12. Randy buys Marie a very expensive scooter.


 

13. Randy buys Marie a very expensive laptop.


 

14. Randy buys Marie whatever she wants, and meanwhile Marie is torturing Randy's daughter to his face and behind his back, yet he does nothing to stop it. Eventually Randy's daughter moves out.


 

15. Marie leaves Randy because he's being a bastard. She comes back a few days later.


 

16. Marie leaves Randy again because he's being a bastard. She comes back a few days later. (repeat this exercise four to five more times)


 

17. Marie flirts with K.W., a friend of My Dark Side's and propositions him.


 

18. Marie accuses Randy of having an affair with My Dark Side. Takes two to tango. She should've asked My Dark Side instead of jumping to conclusions.


 

19. Marie decides to leave Randy after she accuses him of raping her.


 

20. Marie leaves.


 

21. My Dark Side and all the other friends confront Randy and tell him the truth about Marie now that she's no longer in the picture.


 

22. Randy asks for a divorce.


 

23. Marie convinces him to change his mind.


 

24. Randy complies, like the good little bitch, and turns his back on My Dark Side, the one friend who stood by him through his bullshit no matter how tough the going got.


 

So now we are waiting. We do not know what's going to happen next. Randy sent me a text last night saying "You don't have to worry we are packing everything up and they will come and pick up this home off your land". Well needless to say, that was confusing as hell when I didn't know the facts.


 

Needless to say, after some serious digging I discovered that someone had been feeding Marie some information that she had been shaking up in a mixer and then feeding Randy. She had told Randy that Husband and I were going to come over to his house and tell him to pack and move because of a comment that someone else wrote on my blog! Believe it or not, he didn't even look. He just fell for it.


 

Well, then upon further reflection, come to find out that this disgusting old bitch has at least one friend left in Arkansas who will send her shit and this equally revolting drunken, gambling piece of dirt was going to my blogs and copying them and emailing them to Marie at her sister's house! I know Marie wasn't forwarding them to Randy because, well I just know, but she was calling him and telling him what they said, only not verbatim. No, hell no, there's no way she could've said what they really said.


 

She made him put his profile as private and take me off his list of friends so that not only could I not view his page, but he could no longer view mine to find out the truth. Apparently people who aren't my friends can't really view my stuff on that site. Yay for me. Not anymore they can't anyway.


 

Well, he is carrying stuff out of the house over to Lana and Ronnie's house and then apparently he has told Daughter that he is going to be moving. She hasn't let on where and I haven't asked because frankly I don't care. I do know one thing, I will be glad when that God forsaken trailer is off my property and although I love him still (but I'm dealing with the pain by staying angry), I never have to see his face again or that sorry assed Marie or Katie.


 


 

1:49 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment


 

Monday, April 28, 2008


 

That bitch had the nerve to come back to Arkansas!

Current mood: vengeful

Category: vengeful MySpace


 


 

I was trying to be nice. I was trying to say that Randy could stay as long as he liked for the sake of the children and for the sake of whatever emotion I had left for Randy, but I'll be damned if he didn't drag that good for nothing fucking whore back on my land again today! Yes, she drove two states just to walk back onto my land and shove it in my face that she could and there wasn't a thing I could do.


 

Randy fucked himself. I served him with an eviction notice. Since we have no lease, I can legally give him ten days to get his shit and get off my property. That means he has to find someone to get this trailer off my land or else. Or else what is the question…..


 

What else can I do that I haven't already done?


 

I made sure her prized possession, the "scooter" was sold out from under her so she can never enjoy that again. Since her ex-husband's wife has been enjoying it for so long now, even if she somehow took it to court and got the thing back, it would still give me joy in knowing that Lady had it for a while and even if Marie ever used it again, she'd never be able to get the image out of her head that Lady had it once.


 

Naturally I called the sheriff's department, but apparently they had already called. I called them and told them that they were trespassing, but since I had already given them carte blanche to move that fucking trailer onto my property, now I have to deal with whatever guests they want to have at the house. Of course, I could go get a restraining order, which would mean that Marie would not be able to come within so many feet of me, which would then restrict her from the property, but I'm not going to go to that trouble. I already won. Why add to my victory by rubbing it in her face?


 

Aw, cause I'm that kind of bitch, that's why. Look out Marie. I'm going to see an attorney tomorrow - we're going to make sure you don't plague me anymore.


 

10:09 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment


 

Thursday, May 01, 2008


 

Despising that whore...

Current mood: hateful and nasty

Category: hateful and nasty Friends


 

And cuntington J. bitch is right back in that house next door to me. Yeah, the cock-jockey whore is eating up knowing that I can't evict her in ten days. Nope, she has THIRTY. NOW THAT is hilarious. The funniest part is that it's not them I'm evicting, it's the TRAILER! LOL


 

Yeah, I alerted their mortgage company that the property to which they are the lienholder is on encumbered land. The owner of the land wants the trailer off or a court order will be issued removing the home. They have been moving their shit out of that trailer steadily for days and days and that fat whore is waddling up and down the steps to the front of the house, wiggling her big ole lard butt back and forth like a seasick cow (or a drunken walrus - yeah, I'm leaning toward walrus - her teeth are fucking GROSS). She's acting like normal bitch and that's okay too. I don't give a damn. He is simple enough to accept her for the nasty, manly, smelly, revolting, bad puss having sea slug she is. Poor dumb Randy. He doesn't have sense enough to come in out of the rain, let alone the consciousness to recognize rain in the first place.


 

I haven't actually laid eyes on the nasty, vile, disgusting, individual really until this morning. Randy, well his problem is that it's hard to get the big picture when you have such a small screen. Judging by the old saying, "What you don't know can't hurt you," Randy's practically invulnerable.


 

Randy had told someone that she was back on her hormones now and she had lost weight - where? According to what I saw, her muffin top had become an entire bundt cake encircling her ponderous girth! They say all that you are you owe to your parents. Why don't you send them a penny and square the account, bitch? Oh, that might be possible if her mother would ever have had anything to do with her. That's right. Her own mother refused to even lay eyes on her GRANDCHILDREN she hated that bitch so much! Can you fathom? That's some deep resentment there.


 

She kept talking about going to a spiritual guide to help her figure out things, well, look, don't go to a mind reader; go to a palmist; I know you've got a palm. Clearly you're too fucking stupid to have a brain.


 

Was that particularly insulting? Even for me? Yeah. It was. Fuck that bitch. I can be frank here, right? I can be honest. I can let it all hang out? FUCK THAT BITCH. I hope she gets hit by a truck.


 


 

11:51 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Where are WE going?

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

Tomorrow will be too.

Why is it that nobody realizes you start fresh every day.

Why do people need to be married? I'm sure once upon a time there was a reason for getting married. I'm sure once upon a time that was the way to bind two people together because though there was marriage, there was like no such thing as divorce. Well, I mean, you COULD get divorced, but it was only after the court battles and church drama and stuff like that.

Binding people together. That's an interesting concept. While I realize that most of that has to do with child rearing and making sure the "family unit" stays together for the betterment of the child, what a pain in the ass it is to be bound to the same person for your entire life? Think about it, where is it fun to have the same food every single day your entire life?

Just think of it in those terms. Imagine that you have first taken your first bite of your favorite food. Your very first time to try it. Oh it's an oral orgasm. It's SOOOO good. The taste. The texture. Your mouth waters, endorphins are released, and your entire body responds to the pleasure of the food. The first time. The second time you eat it, you may experience some of that same sensation, but not necessarily as strong as the first time.

By the time you have eaten that particular favorite food for the 30th damned time, your body kind of goes "yeah, and?"

So, if you think of your significant other in terms of your favorite food, then you can see where my concept of marriage gets a little skewed.

Why? Why would you resign to only having one thing for the rest of your life when there is an endless (literally) variety of tastes to be sampled out there in the world?

If you're like me, you can be satisfied with eating steak & lobster every day for the rest of your life. That's my meal. No, not bologna. No, not ham & eggs. I mean steak and lobster, 3 meals a day. Yeah, I could do that. I have had bologna, ham & cheese. I even had bologna with "fixins" but now that I have steak & lobster, I really have no need to move on….

Satisfied.

But I am 38 years old.

Why would anyone at 18 want to do what I've done? Why would you not want to try out the tastes of the world - never knowing what really tastes good? Ah. There's that whole breeding and reproductive thing. It's the urge to mate and procreate that drives the ignorant to marry young.

I think it ought to be a law, Nobody can get married until they're 25. That's still not old enough, but at least it's a better chance and nobody should have children after 30. Here's how I think it ought to work:

18-19: Graduate from high school, spend 6 months preparing for military.

19-20: Spend at least 1 year in a modified "boot camp" type facility. After which, given an option of joining the military or opting out and receiving a full 4 year scholarship, paid by the government including books, to any 4-year college in America.

20-25: Spend 4 years in college. If after the first year in college, grades are not acceptable, scholarship is pulled and student must do 4 years MANDATORY military service. No options there. It's either that or student must leave the country. Strict discipline. Either fully paid college for 4 years or military for 4 years, nothing in between.

After 25, this person will have either a 4 year degree or 4 years of military under their belt. They may THEN and ONLY then be allowed to get married and have children. NOBODY should have children before the age of 25. That's just my personal feeling in the matter and this goes for boys and girls.

Does this sound like a dictatorship? Well, then it's a good idea.

Imagine if teen-aged children had a driving force to do well? Imagine if they knew that if they graduated top of their class in high school that they could opt out of that first year in the military and go straight into college, fully paid by the government? Would all of the children graduate with a 3.8 or above GPA if they knew they could get out of going into the military? Probably encourage that anyway.

Imagine if a kid knew that if he screwed up before he was 18 that no matter what his grades were AFTER 18 that he was going into boot camp and if he/she did not have grades good enough to graduate high school that he would go to mandatory boot camp and finish high school there?

Come on! Think about it. We would have an entire generation of human beings who were driven to excel, not driven to smoke crack or commit suicide. A future. They have a bright future ahead of them, a college education, and they're not given a choice in the matter.

Yeah, this is what I think. Am I crazy? Probably.

Still, I do think that video games and television, drugs and obesity, our lazy government and questionable moral standards have led to the decline we now face. The "kids" that are going to be running this country when I'm old frighten me, that's all. Kids that can sit for 2 days straight playing Xbox live without taking a bath or sleeping - scare me. Kids that can hold a conversation with each other online for 6 months and claim to be madly in love - scare me. Kids that fly into a jealous rage when their online gf/bf get a "comment" from an admirer - scare me. Um, grow up.

That's just it! They can't. They have no reason to. They have online games and online communities. They have no reason to leave the house and they commit themselves to online relationships instead because they are "safer". They are anonymous to the largest degree, but still - social decline seems to be spreading because nobody WANTS to meet someone in the flesh anymore.

Once upon a time people went to clubs to meet other people their age. Now they join MySpace or get in a chatroom somewhere. They sign on with a username like looknforluv and send unsolicited emails to everything with a breast, or a picture of a breast, one can never be sure with online dating. Now? Now when I get up in the morning I get online to check my email. Once upon a time I stayed up all night long talking on the telephone to my guy friends. Now, the conversation is far less personal and ends up LOL and ROFL instead of the perfunctory "uh huh, and yeah". I caught myself wanting to say ROFL on the phone the other day. Can you imagine my grandmother's confusion if I had said ROFL instead of simply laughing?

Our language has changed. Our lives have changed. Everything's changing. Except marriage. We'll be doing online weddings soon, God help us.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

ARE YOU SCARED OF THE TRUTH?

Is it THAT frightening to say what you mean? I'm serious! Why is it that people think it's so rude to open your mouth and speak the truth? Yeah, I suppose I could just pipe down and go on about my boring little life like nothing at all was wrong, but shit what's the fun in that?

I'm not afraid of THE CONSEQUENCES OF TELLING IT LIKE IT IS, THAT'S FOR DAMNED SURE.

WHAT I DO NOT LIKE IS BEING JUDGED FOR HONESTY.

REMEMBER THE BOWENS? WELL, HOW COULD YOU FORGET 'EM? Anyway, the reason they were mad at me - and here's the real clincher - is because I documented everything they did to me and posted it on my blog for all the world to see. Yes, that is what I did that was so wrong. I videotaped them acting stupid out there on my property, yeah, they lived there, but it was my property regardless. They flipped me off, they called me and my husband ugly names, they tried to coax us out of our house so we would descend to their level and have a fist fight with them - and I have it all on video. That video I shared with the world, so everyone I know and everyone that knows them, can see what kind of fools they made of themselves.

Wait, there's more. I didn't tell 'em to get out until after they'd started packing! Yeah, if that's not the craziest thing you ever heard. See, randy and I were "friends" at one time. actually, he just used me - but that's okay, that's what friends are for, right? Anyway, when Marie's sorry ass left him, I was there to pick up the pieces and try to help him along the way. I tried to help him repair the rift between him and his daughter by taking him out there and making him spend time with her. Yeah, we went in my car - ask her sometime. I took chesley out there too, just to make sure he saw his mother and grandmother. I tried to encourage randy to quit smoking. I tried to help him get his house cleaned up. However, somewhere in the midst of all this, Marie's sorry ass steps in and decides she wants her husband after all. Maybe he didn't rape her, maybe he wasn't the abusive asshole that she told everyone he was. Guess what? I didn't let anyone believe her lies - so she couldn't do to him what she did to chip. No sir. She had to eat those words because the entire state of Arkansas wasn't going to hate Randy like they did chip as long as I had anything to say about it.

Well, he was weak is all I can say. He was weak and spineless because he chose to move that nasty excuse for a woman back down here. He chose her over his daughter. He chose her over his sanity. He chose to believe her lies over obvious truth. That was my part in all this, I told him the truth about her and I led him to other people who knew her and knew that she was trash and what she was saying behind his back. They even told him about her. They can't be friends with him anymore now either because, well, they got back together.

While they were apart, however, he and I had an agreement that he would never let her move back in here next to me. No matter what else happened, he would sell the place and move if he decided to get back with her. He would let the place be repo'd if it came down to it, but he would not put me through having to live next to that two-faced, back-stabbing white trash ever again. This was the agreement. I did not know that she was coming back, I just knew he wasn't talking to me. I knew something was wrong because he was carrying stuff out of the house. I didn't bother to ask because he wouldn't respond to my text messages or phone calls. It figured that she had brainwashed him again, since he has very little brain in the first place.

So he sent me an unsolicited text message saying for me not to worry that he was packing things up and that someone would come and get the trailer off my property. hm. This was news to me. I asked about the storage building and he didn't even respond to that. It was as if I got the message from out of thin air and I sent back a message to thin air for as much as I hear from my erstwhile friend.

Several days later, as a matter of fact I think It was almost a week later, she came back. She drove that explorer up the driveway to the trailer, got out of it and walked into the trailer shaking her big ole disgusting fat ass back and forth like a walrus trying to make its way up a rocky beach. Yeah, she was back, just as she said she was going to be. It didn't take me more than 30 minutes to have a "notice to quit" drawn up, signed, faxed to the sheriff's department and posted on the front door of that trailer (which lana subsequently ripped off and took inside). Didn't matter to me who got it, just that they got it, and got out.

That is when the real trouble started. They decided to call the law and find out if I could do that. Well someone at the sheriff's department told them I couldn't do it. Someone was wrong. I couldn't evict them from their own home, but I could evict the home from my land! So I called Vanderbilt mortgage (the folks that do the financing for Clayton Homes) and retracted my permission to have that trailer on my property! The lady was really taken aback when I told her the real reason - apparently randy had already called them but gave her some hair-brained story and she was really more inclined to believe me. They were packing, she said, and she wanted me to call her the minute the last stick of furniture was removed and she'd have the movers out there to get it.

Well, surely enough, the trouble continued, 6 days, 7 days, 8 days after I had given them the notice. The sheriff's department was just itching to come out here and throw them out of that place. More to shut me up than anything, I'm sure, but because we'd had to call them out here several times to keep the peace. Lana was acting an absolute fool (much to be expected from someone like her) and Randy was uncontrollable. His behavior really was weird, like he was on drugs or something. It was almost as if Marie had drugged him. Now I can't vouch for that, but he was acting completely out of character the entire last week of his stay here.

Day 8 and they were out with screams, taunts, filling the septic tank with boxes of trash, shoes and clothes, tearing everything up that they couldn't take with, and leaving the place filthy and nasty - because they could. But they were gone. Thank God almighty, they were gone.

Day 9, we were just amazed at how peaceful the first day was without the bowens there. Without the noises and the visitors, without the gut feeling that something was fixing to happen or the other shoe was going to fall anytime. There was always a fear that Marie was going to lose her mind and hurt someone or that Lana was going to break the steak knife out and try to carve Ronnie a new asshole (again).

Day 10, the trailer moving fellas showed up to collect that mobile home. I was just simply aghast. My mouth fell open in complete shock. They were the same folks that had brought it out here. Randy had told them the most unbelievable story about why he had to move. Of course, when they saw the mess in the septic tank and the mess in the yard, it wasn't hard to convince them that he was full of shit. I had been good enough to let them stay out here with all their bullshit, trying to help them and the kids and trying to be their friend - and they shit on me. Yes, friends, there was fecal matter.

Day 11, the trailer was gone, the Bowens were gone, the Hills were gone, there was just the remnants of trash that they had left behind. It's day 11 and an unbelievable sense of peace and tranquility washed over me. I don't have to see them again! I do not have to look at her ever again if I don't want to. I don't have to hear her nasty mouth ever again. I do not have to smell his breath ever again. I don't have to hear the foul language coming from their teen-aged children ever again (the exception is his sweet daughter who he threw out of his house because Marie gave him an ultimatum - her or the daughter, that is the sweetest child God ever saw fit to give someone).

Day 12; Well, there's still a mess, and it occurs to me that nobody is going to come and clean up the mess. Okey doke. Well, I made up my mind that I was going to do it myself in my own good time. it's my land. It's my chore. I'll take care of it and build a garden where that fucking trailer once stood. Yes, I will make something of this disaster. I mowed the yard instead, lol.

I stopped counting. The 10th day of the notice to quit was may 8. It is now May 23, officially 15 days after they moved that trailer out of here and I still look out my kitchen door and wonder if I'm going to see that damned explorer sitting there….

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Reading Into it

I do believe wholeheartedly that my mother is going to knock me upside my stubborn head for this, but here goes - I don't believe that the Bible is intended to be taken verbatim.


 

Whew! There! I said it.


 

If it were intended to be taken literally and verbatim, then every verse must be taken literally and verbatim and we could not pick and choose what we do and do not do according to the "law" that God set down for the Israelites. I mean, seriously, let's go back to the days of Genesis when folks were wandering around acting the fool, plum naked (except for some kind of shrubbery apparently). Seriously, do you think someone actually plucked a fruit off of a tree and consumed it and magically knew right from wrong?


 

Wouldn't it be possible, even feasible, that God (who had already created them male and female) was running this test. For argument sake, let's say the Garden of Eden was His laboratory and Adam and Eve were the test specimens. He wanted to see how long it would take them to "sin" or basically stray from the path of simplicity that He set out before them. Man, they had it good. They had food from every plant and tree in the garden. Of course, there aren't a lot of details about the garden and just what all Adam and Eve were up to during the salad days, but boy howdy, just let someone step off the grid for one second and a serpent - get this - a SERPENT tells the chick to eat from the tree and it's okay because she won't really die she'll just see the world the way God sees it.


 

A serpent?


 

Now, the last time I listened to anything a serpent had to say I had been drinking heavily at a keg party and this lame guy was telling me that I was the most gorgeous creature on the planet and he wanted me to bear his offspring. I was laughing on the inside.


 

Still, let's go back to this serpent thing. Why, oh why, would any woman worth her salt listen to words that were apparently coming out of the mouth of some critter that her husband had just given a name here while back? You have to stop for a second and think about the credibility of that statement alone. A serpent. Ugh. Give me a real break.


 

So let us say, for argument sake, that Adam and Eve were told NOT to go to the ridge that is at the edge of the garden. They were told that if they went to this ridge, they would surely die. Mkay, well curiosity is a powerful thing and though it may have killed the cat (apparently curiosity takes 9 lives right away from ya) it doesn't do a thing for Eve. She just walks right out to that old ledge and looks down and sees a city. In this city she sees people and on these people are clothes. They are walking and talking and working and carrying on their daily lives, unaware that there is a garden, hidden amongst the forest atop that there mountain yonder.


 

Well, Eve spies a shopping spree in the making and heads her ignorant ass down the side of the mountain, panting and heaving, and wanders into the square, just naked as a jaybird. All the women stop and gawk at her and one of the nice men in the village grabs a curtain out of a window and wraps it around her. This, of course, scares the shit out of Eve, but they all calm her down and tell her she ought to refrain from wandering around without clothes on, somebody might think she was simple minded or something. So they tell her about life in the "big city" and she goes back to Adam, speechless.


 

Ole Adam is perched back on a nice mossy bed, nibbling on a piece of fruit and watching the odd shapes of the clouds on the beautiful, perfect summer day when Eve comes walking up and says "Dude, you are NOT going to believe what I did today."


 

Adam sits up and goes "what?"


 

Eve plops herself down on the moss and says "I went to the forbidden cliff."


 

Adam goes "Say what?"


 

Eve goes, "Uh, yeah, and please note how I'm still alive."


 

So Adam sits up and looks at Eve with this comical "I don't believe it" look on his face and says "show me".


 

Then Eve takes Adam to the edge of the cliff, follows the trail down to the village and the people all tell Adam how letting his shit hang out like that will invite bug bites and infection, and that he ought to cover that up.


 

Back at camp, Adam and Eve are now experimenting with some of the neat new tricks they learned from the villagers, when all of a sudden the voice of God comes booming down out of the heavens. Now, I still can't explain this since I've personally never had the pleasure of hearing God's voice - and believe me, I have spent days listening for it, but I still cannot fathom actually heeding a voice that comes out of the sky. I mean I might listen, guffaw, and go on about my business, but I'd be the doubting Thomas that would probably have to feel the wound to believe it was there.


 

Do I believe in God? Most assuredly. Do I believe God created everything we see? Absolutely. Do I wonder why God doesn't still speak to folks? Yep. Every day.


 

See it just seems to me that the further into the thing you read, you'll find that there are certain foods we aren't supposed to ingest and certain cloth that we aren't supposed to wear, certain times of the month when we are exiled to the crevices of our boudoir not to be touched by human hands, lest they too become unclean for a week or so. No. No, I think God basically intended the Bible to be written to instruct the children of Israel, who were ignorant, on how to keep alive and keep from getting diseases. Think about the instructions. Don't eat pork - it's unclean.


 

Have you ever bought pork chops at Wal-Mart and when you got them home and took them out of the package they were slimy? You didn't eat them, did you? Now these were pork chops that were prepared by experienced hands, packaged by experienced technology, cared for in refrigeration units, and displayed carefully for your shopping needs. Tell me, do you think they had that kind of thing back in the day? Hell no! That's why you didn't eat pork. Who had a refrigerator back in Moses' day? Anybody? No! So clearly, pork was out of the question, along with certain other foods that just wouldn't "keep".


 

Today, however, it's the other white meat. I don't even know the statistics on pig slaughter, but I feel certain it's astronomical, what with the craving for hot dogs at ballgames and such. Yes, Lord. We eat pork. Doesn't seem forbidden now.


 

So, do we follow the absolute measure of the Word, or do we pick and choose the rules we live by? Do we decide if the ten commandments was the law or was it what Jesus said, the only "law" he said "love your neighbor"? Which do we do?


 

I was raised Pentecostal, protestant Christian. I know the rules. I know that in Exodus 21 it says anyone who attacks his father or his mother must be put to death. Well my niece hit her mother. Shall we kill her? But no. We can't kill her because Exodus 20:13 says you shall not murder. Um, so we can't kill her, that'd be murder. So what do we do? What are we, as poor mortals, to think of this conflict? Seriously, we take my niece before a bunch of church elders and they are to execute her by stoning? That ain't murder???


 

We shall have no other gods before the God of Abraham. Well come on, duh. Who would want to? I mean, the Almighty is the One who created everything we see and tons of stuff we don't see. Who could compare? Ah, but then there is the definition of God. What do you worship? American Idol - America can't take its eyes off of American Idol. Days of Our Lives, The Young and the Restless, Law and Order. Television. We are addicted to the visual word now. As a human myself, I cannot remember a time when we did not own at least two televisions and I was born in the late 60's. To some, that is their God. That is what they spend the bulk of their time watching, listening to and learning from. Money? The world would not survive without currency. We have to have it to trade. Do you honestly think that was the way God intended? Bah. No. Not to this little white duck.


 

No sir, I think God intended that we should have a utopian society, where we all pulled on the same rope, in the same direction, to erect a better world for all to live in, not the rich get richer and the poor stay in their "place" to serve the rich. Bullshit. No. That is not how a loving creator intended this world to be.


 

I do not believe that God who spared the live of Abraham's only son intended that we should be gaudy and that heaven will be streets of gold and walls of jasper and every precious stone known to man. What cares God of such things? This is the same God who said 'Make an altar of earth for me and sacrifice on it your burnt offerings and fellowship offerings, your sheep and goats and your cattle. Wherever I cause my name to be honored, I will come to you and bless you. If you make an altar of stones for me, do not build it with dressed stones, for you will defile it if you use a tool on it. And do not go up to my altar on steps, lest your nakedness be exposed on it.' Yet, the wisest man in the Bible, the son of the great King David, King Solomon built a temple the likes of which even the Egyptians could not parallel - for worshiping God?


 

Bah. God didn't want that. Who said God wanted that? You suppose the very same God that said for us to build an altar out of dirt and rocks, with our bare hands and no tools, meant for a temple city to be built in His honor? COME ON!! Are there any logical people left who read the Bible?


 

I am not reading it because I want to pick it apart. No, I want to study to show myself approved, because it says that in the Bible too. I want to understand why good Christians turn their noses up at people like me because I'm not doing what THEY think is right. Well, I'm not judging. I'm not judging the homosexual because they're gay. The Bible clearly says not to suffer a witch to live, but I believe the wiccans and naturalists are onto something. I believe they learned to use the earth the way God may have originally intended, using the natural forces of the world and the universe around us, just as Luke said - that there will be signs in the sun, moon and stars. Can you read the sun, moon and stars? Nope. Neither can I, but an astrologist sure can, as can most people who study wicca and the ancient art of divination.


 

Why? Were they jealous of these people? It just seems to me that when Saul went to see the witch of Endor he was the King at the time. Yeah, he had fallen out of grace with God, but uh, if witchcraft is evil, how is it that Samuel, one of the great prophets of his age, came to this witch's call and spoke to Saul? Why if it was evil would Samuel have had anything to do with it? And why put that in the Bible in the first place? Was it supposed to make Saul look bad because he went to inquire of a spiritual medium? Oh please.


 

Judge not, people of the Earth, the latent sinfulness in your neighbor, for your own sins will rest at your doorstep….that's what I say. Don't point your finger at that strange little feller down on Central Avenue who has every square inch of his face tattooed "like the heathen" and everything that can be pierced has something thrust through it. That is his body. I dare say that God Himself would find that humorous, but I don't know if that boy's soul is going to heaven and I can assure you if I approach him throwing stones, it's not going to enamor him to the Christian faith anytime soon.


 

So I guess what I'm trying to say is - am I nuts? Am I the only person who feels this way?


 

Wedding Day Emergency Kit

Wedding Day Emergency Kit

A checklist of things every bride should have on hand on her wedding day.

Be prepared! Print this list and check off items as you assemble your kit.

Grooming 

¨ hand lotion, wet wipes

¨ curling iron, hot rollers

¨ tissues

¨ hairdryer

¨ cotton balls, cotton swabs

¨ brush, comb

¨ makeup

¨ hairspray, hair gel

¨ makeup remover

¨ bobby pins, hair elastics, barrettes

¨ nail polish in shade worn

¨ headband or clips for pulling hair back while applying makeup

¨ nail polish remover

¨ toothbrush, toothpaste, floss

¨ nail file

¨ mouthwash

¨ tweezers

¨ baby powder

¨ small grooming scissors

¨ deodorant

¨ small hand towel

¨ perfume

¨ lint brush

 

Attire 

¨ "throwaway" garter

¨ safety pins and a sewing kit with thread the color of bride's and attendants' dresses

¨ clear nail polish for runs in pantyhose

¨ masking tape or sewing tape (for last-minute ripped hems)

¨ extra earring backs

¨ small scissors (for thread)

¨ extra buttons

¨ club soda or other stain removal solutions

¨ flat shoes for the reception

¨ iron

¨ extra pantyhose

 

Health/Medical 

¨ antacid

¨ bandages

¨ antihistamine, cold remedy, any prescription medications

¨ upset stomach remedy

¨ aspirin, pain relievers

¨ feminine hygiene products (tampons, panty liners, etc.)

Miscellaneous 

¨ extra copies of directions to reception

¨ small flashlight

¨ breath mints

¨ folding utility knife

¨ cell phone and home phone numbers of all wedding participants

¨ duct tape

¨ contact information for all vendors

¨ _________________________________________

¨ snacks

¨ _________________________________________

¨ cooler with juice, sodas, and bottled water

¨ _________________________________________

¨ champagne, glasses

¨ _________________________________________

 

Tiny IV

Something incredible happens when you've finished using the toilet. You wipe your ass, get up, flush, wash your hands and go on your merry way. You don't look back at the toilet and regret losing the refuse to the dark lonely pit of the septic tank. No! You move on with your life and never give that turd a second thought!


 

That was kind of what happened next. Or, rather would have happened next if mother had chosen a more reasonable dwelling in which to relocate. Yes, we moved from the apartment to a rent house that was two numbers down from where my erstwhile husband lived. Well, yay.


 

Now he gets to see my love life in full blossom, all the cars that come and go and how popular I have become since getting away from his sorry behind. This was the perfect setup, if I hated him. That was the problem, no matter what a lush he was or a sorry step-father, or a useless husband, I still couldn't 100% hate the man. I guess the fact that I didn't hate him is probably what kept me from setting some of the unwashed rednecks I knew to whipping his ass good and proper.


 

Bah. There was time for ass whippings! Right now, it was time to live.


 

Getting married at 17 years old really doesn't allow a person to have much knowledge of the world, you know? I'll be the first one to admit that I didn't know shit. I knew less than my teen-aged sister about life in general and had lived through two sadly failed marriages already. I had never "dated" as an adult. I had simply fallen into the auspices of marriage all too quickly and forgotten what it was like to just "have fun" and not worry so much about being in a relationship with someone. Bullshit, I was geared for relationships. I was geared to want the family unit. I wanted Ozzie & Harriet.


 

Needless to say, I never got it.


 

So, having said all that, let me get back to what was going on down Ironton Cut-Off in the early 90's.


 

Mom worked as the accountant and Jack-of-All at a hauling and excavation company which was situated squarely between our new rent house and my husband. My husband had started doing some pretty radical partying and had invited Morticia (the extremely tall, thin, pasty girl who worked with him (when he worked) at the gas station) over to play too. Somehow in the process of getting even with me for leaving him on his knees crying on the Phillips 66 parking lot on Geyer Springs and this moment, he had gotten past loving me, and prepared himself to move forward with life. At least that was the image he was putting out there.


 

Morticia and Gomez - that's what my friends and I affectionately dubbed Rosie and Mark. They were an odd couple indeed, him at 5'7" and her at about 6'0". He had the strangest taste in women.


 

I, on the other hand, was busy scheming to keep Tiny interested in me. That was difficult indeed considering that he was madly in love with his best friend's sister. Now, during all this, Sherry had gotten pregnant and given birth. She assured Tiny that the baby was his, but we all knew that she hadn't exactly been faithful to her husband, Tiny or the other two or three guys she was banging without protection. Real gem of a gal right there, that Sherry. So, she's had this child and Tiny wants so much for it to be his that he's willing to give up his life for it. God love him. I wish I had known then what I know now - I would have told him to shove off! LOL


 

Well, Dwayne came by to party with me (that'd be the husband's best friend) and his friends came to my house (with Mark just two houses down) and you can imagine some of the fights that broke out in the front lawn. I think my wedding band got caught up in one of those. I just don't remember. I guess it wasn't that important.


 

My sister was the instigator of many a party at mom's place when mom would head off to Hot Springs for a weekend. Yeah, she was a real socialite, my sister, and somehow the parties all seemed to gravitate around me once they got started. Oh I suppose I was the oldest female there, and something about my age intrigued these younger fellas, the ones that were there to see my sister originally. They would come in with the best of intentions, and before the night was over they'd either be drunk, drunk and stoned, or just stoned and all sitting on the sofa staring at me, hanging off my every word.


 

I can't tell you how long that hero-worship went on, but it seemed like forever (much to my sister's chagrin). She and her best buddy invited everyone and their dog to our "parties", but when they would show, if I didn't leave almost immediately or lock myself in my bedroom, they got no action. Fortunately for them, I grew more and more cognizant of what was happening with these post-pubescent sexually frustrated boys, and I began to make myself a bit more scarce…and hooking up with Troy.


 

Ah, yes, Troy. Where was Tiny in all this? Oh, he came and went. I mean he was there sometimes but most of the time he was up Sherry's ass, which was okay. I had my plate full messing with the husband and the parade of suitors who showed up unannounced at my mother's back door.


 

Troy was very tall, very thin, very tan, and very strange. I like the strange ones. Not crazy about the thin part, but strange yes. Makes things interesting, don't you agree? Troy was cute in his own way I guess, he had these dark brown basset hound eyes that you could sink into and stay forever, like a waterbed or a real comfortable chair. Troy was a little kinky too, not my bailiwick by any means, but still fun to play with. I remember this one time, when all the teen-agers were at play in the rest of the house, and Troy and I slunk off to the bedroom for some "adult time".


 

There was a partition between the living room and my bedroom that was more or less like louvered closet doors. If you tugged hard enough at one of the louvers or peered through the cracks, there was no privacy at all. So, the collection of idiots gathered outside the partition and giggled at the noises emerging from my bedroom. Lord only knows what they saw, but they were all blushing when we came out, all disheveled and grinning. I didn't get mad. It wasn't a big deal. Not like we hadn't done the same thing to each of them at one time or another. Hell, we still make fun of one of them to this day, 16 years later, for her use of the vowel sounds during coitus. Remember that, girl? LOL I know you're reading this.


 

On a more personal note, there were times during this period of my life that I genuinely wanted to kill someone. There were points that I thought I had it in me to hurt people. I would become so angry so quickly over the dumbest thing in the world, and then I'd wake up and realize that it really wasn't worth raising my blood pressure.


 

At some point, I grew weary of Troy. He wouldn't work. Well, that's not what I wanted from him anyway! I didn't want him to take care of me, hell I made enough money to take care of myself, I didn't know what I wanted but it sure wasn't him. So, I took the passive aggressive route and dropped his personal effects off at his uncle's house in North Little Rock and stood explaining to the uncle why Troy and I would not work out.


 

While standing there, this man walks past. He had the haircut of the day, the Billy Ray Cyrus mullet. We couldn't help but stare though because he was so cute, and was wearing spandex walking shorts. Yeah, he was wearing spandex and he was still cute.


 

Before the night was over, that handsome young man was sitting in my living room back at mom's house and we were talking about "hooking up".


 

Tony was great. He was cute, employed, didn't use drugs, employed, he drank quite a bit, but he was employed and he was cute. He was lousy in the sack though. Good grief was he ever. I mean he couldn't do anything right. He was all thumbs in that department. Now outside the bedroom he was a fabulous partner to me. We agreed on most everything and we could talk for hours on end, but that sex thing was ridiculous after a while.


 

Come to find out he was banging another girl behind my back. Who knew? I mean seriously, he went to work and came home, I had no idea that he spent his lunch breaks with this girl. LOL Did I care? Well, somewhat. We had found a little trailer over on Mobile drive and had moved out of Mom's. He left his little house in North Little Rock in lieu of living with me somewhere, so I know at some point he did actually care about me. I'm just not sure why we had the problem sexually. Some folks just don't click like that, I suppose.


 

So, there's where Tiny comes in. Just as Tony was wearing on my last good heterosexual nerve, Tiny squirms back into the picture. Nope, he wasn't the reason that Tony and I split up - that was David.


 

Oh my God, David.


 

If I ever met my match it was David. He was cute, but not gorgeous, sexy but not a sex-pot, affectionate but not smothering. He had been wooing me from afar since the first week I dated Tony. I just wouldn't mess with him because, well, I am fairly faithful (when I'm having a good time I guess). David was Tiny's "brother", or at least they called themselves brothers (whey they weren't fighting over a girl). David and I had everything in common, except his drinking, and of course I have to find flaws in everyone. I can't simply overlook something I don't like, oh hell no, I have to pick and bitch until I drive someone crazy.


 

Yeah, Dave liked to drink, but he was a funny drunk anyway. I just still had some latent issues with alcohol that were basically linked to the ex-husband (the divorce still wasn't final and it had been over a year since we split - he and Rosie had a child at this point). David was passionate and really knew how to make a woman feel like a woman behind closed doors. He was attentive and loving, gentle and kind, faithful and loyal. Great husband material, right? He even took out the trash. Now, getting him to keep a job was a horse of a different color.


 

Yep, for all the fun that David and I had, he still wasn't mature enough to hold down a job. That was always very important to me. I'm not sure why it was so important, I guess that gene or organ that I have that instructs me to marry, settle down and have a family requires that my partner be gainfully employed too. I'm going to have that organ removed one day.


 

So, David and I were living in the house that Tony and I had rented. House….I mean, er, uh, trailer. Yeah, it was a real trailer, not even qualified as a mobile home. I liked it, but seriously it was a trailer. Ok, so David's "brother" comes by for a visit and seeing how happy we are he starts showing his ass.


 

There's Tiny, the one I'm really in love with, flaunting his gorgeous body right in front of me, talking about how much he missed me, and I'm trying for all I'm worth to stay strong. I mean, it wasn't just your average Joe, it was the man of my dreams (nightmares) and he was right there in my home, begging me to love him - begging me to want him again, apologizing for hurting me and swearing off that hateful bitch Sherry for all time.


 

Well, who can resist that? When the object of your affection is begging you, it's just darned near impossible to say no. Hell, David and I weren't married and he drank all the time and he didn't work for a living. Sure he was funny and kept me in stitches and he was good in the sack, but shit - this is Tiny we're talking about.


 

So, I picked a fight - as is the norm, and David ended up leaving for Colorado. He just could not stay in Arkansas and watch me set up housekeep with Tiny. Something about that sickened him. If I had realized that then I might've thought differently about the whole situation. David really did love me, Tiny was just using me for a place to live that was cleaner than Sweet Home. Ok, that was harsh, he actually did love me in his own unique way, but not enough. No, sir. Not nearly enough.


 

The trailer was home to many parties including my sister's "sweet 16". I wasn't opposed at the time to providing a full sheet birthday cake and alcohol for the Halloween party of 1992. Nope that was all great fun and the next morning there were bodies strewn all over the house…that was also the night I realized that Tiny was taking my car and sneaking over to see Sherry. That is also when he got the proverbial boot!


 

My next misadventures brought me to (and through) the Carl era (please let's not relive that) which seemed to go on forever and then back to Tiny again (no I never learn). Oh he had sworn her off once more, seeing that I was happy with someone else, and he wanted to marry me. So he told his family that we were married. We went to see them, Christmas 1992, as husband and wife - more to gauge their reaction than anything else. I think I have pictures of that somewhere. I'll have to look. If I do, I'll add them to this blog later.


 

I was so happy. Yes, dammit, I was truly happy. Down deep inside somewhere I really had a feeling of accomplishment, having won the day over the nefarious Sherry. He was mine, claiming to be my husband and all that. Yes, I had won and was victorious, and so I felt through the spring of 1993. Until, of course, Schalena burst my bubble right after Mother's day when she told me that she had been sleeping with Tiny and so had Sherry, behind my back, and gave me details.


 

Oh was I ever shocked. I really had hoped he had changed. Our lives had become so intertwined at this point, having gone through all of these things and jumped all these hurdles, and now to find out that it had all been a lie. Sure I hit him. I knocked the shit out of him. Hit him so hard the chair he was sitting in slid halfway across the kitchen. He said "I deserved that".


 

Meanwhile, across town, Sherry was living with my best friend. They had been holed up over there for months. Keep in mind, my best friend was a girl. Yep, Sherry was playing all fields now, wide open. This story is not about her, I could write volumes about her, literally, no, I digress.


 

Tiny and I had experienced the most magical moments sexually that I had ever seen to this point. He was a most incredible lover and knew just exactly where to scratch my itch. We could lay in bed and talk for hours, we went horseback riding, we went swimming, we just did everything normal couples do when they're happy and secure. It just seemed so impossible that he might be having several affairs behind my back…but he was. The truth was out. He had to go.


 

I pitched him out once more, and once more my life caught up with me. My contract terminated with the company for whom I had been doing some quality work, and it was time for me to go back on unemployment and just kind of fart around for a while. I still had enough money to get by, but things just kind of fell apart when Tiny left that last time.


 

I quit caring about things. I let my car go back and bought another one. I left the trailer and moved in with some friends. I even let my son go live with his father (shock and amazement). There wasn't a thing about my life that I didn't change. Finally I went back to work for the local hospital, something for which I had always shown a great deal of aptitude, and settled back into a life.


 

Life. Yes, it was my life - constantly changing, like the temperature, and every person affected my life like the tide affects the grains of sand on a beach. You don't realize how much people influence your world until you look back. Hindsight is always 20/20. I just wish these things hadn't had such an emotional impact on me.


 

I found a place to live with an old high school buddy, and though I wasn't truly dating anyone, Carl came back into the picture, as did Sean. Now these relationships weren't the kind that are meant to last. Actually, none of my relationships during this era were substantial enough to last. I wish I had known then what I know now. God I wish I could redo that life.


 

Well, I can't, so on with the story.


 

While living at Mikey's trailer, I had become acquainted with a gentleman over the internet. Yeah, this was back in 1992 when folks didn't do that type of thing. Ok, being the person I am, I was not afraid to meet someone in the dark of night on a commuter parking lot on Dixon Road. No sir. I just drove right on out there.


 

Meanwhile, as I pulled out of my driveway onto Honeysuckle, I passed a car heading toward my house. I got a really strange feeling as the car passed me, an eerie sort of foreboding, but I kept going, heading out to Arch Street and then on to Dixon. After a moment passed, I noticed that there were headlights behind me that seemed to be turning everywhere I turned, speeding up as I sped up and slowing as I slowed.


 

I've never really been given to paranoia, but it was starting to bother me. I jerked the car into the commuter lot and stopped abruptly after doing a 180 so I could face the folks that were following me. They stopped too and I could not see from the glare of their headlights. Just then I realized the car doors were opening and two people were stepping out. I had absolutely no fear. My date was sitting just a few cars away, eyeing the situation, not knowing what to make of it.


 

Then I heard that voice. That sound which haunted my dreams and plagued my waking thoughts. It was him, my beloved, the one I hated and loved at the same time - Tiny. Yes, he and his brother had been on their way out to Mikey's to try to catch up with me because he had some kind of revelation and wanted to reveal it to me right then. It could wait no longer. I stared at him in disbelief and had made my excuses to my pending date and came back to hear the rest of his tale.


 

Oh he was so sorry that he ever left me. Sherry was a whore and he hated her and never wanted to see her again. Sherry had been mean and abusive to him and he hated her and the only woman who had ever been kind to him was me. So his brother Gary is standing there nodding his head in agreement. "Yeah, Shannon, she has made his life miserable." He said, convincingly.


 

That night, Tiny went back to Mikey's with me and we collected a few things and drove to his mother's house where we made our announcement that we were getting married for real this time.


 

My divorce from Mark had been finalized during the summer when Tiny and I were split up. I was just getting used to the idea of not being Mark's estranged wife anymore when all this happened. Hell I'd only been divorced a few months!


 

I called my mother who was just devastated by the news. She knew what quality of trouble Tiny was and refused to allow it. She said that he wasn't welcomed in her home and I had to make my choice. Well, the next day Tiny and I were married. That was the day before Thanksgiving 1993.


 

I was finally married to Tiny. The love of my life and I were together at last and we were actually married. It wasn't a joke. It wasn't a lie. It wasn't a hallucination (though I wish now that it had been). We were married and I was happier than I'd ever been.


 

We moved into another trailer that was just a few miles from Mikey's place, but way out of town. Hell we weren't even in the same county. It was my hope that a fresh start would do both of us some good. If I had one eye and half sense I would have relocated to Hot Springs right then. I mean if I had any intention of keeping him….


 

The story continues.


 

Dawn, please feel free to remind me of parts you think would be interesting. It's been a long time since 1992 and I am getting old and the details somewhat scattered. We still haven't gotten to Main Street… LOL That's next.